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scubatankfilledwithfarts) wrote2018-11-28 04:08 am
scubatankfilledwithfarts) wrote2018-11-28 04:08 am
Entry tags:
on top of the earth
it's literally this video
When is a beach a beach and a desert a desert? Is it the washed out colors on a cloudy day? The umbrellas dotting the shore? The sound of the ocean? Funny, sand dunes carry sound just as well as the tides.
“I thought we were living insiiiiiide!”
“It’s a common…it’s common fucking sense.” The voice is so, so tired. Ready for death, despite how hard they fight it.
“I thought we were living inside the Earth!” Comes the explanation tinged with excitement and awe.
The amount of times he wishes sound didn’t carry are infinite, and this is one of those times. Pip lights another cigarette and settles in for what is likely to be the dumbest thing he’s ever heard.
[and this is the man who would fight nazi vampire werewolves one day]
“Didn’t you take earth-space-science? I know you failed just by lookin’ atcha, but…” Juno just can’t believe it. He’s got his head in his hands and he’s shaking it, shaking it like the entire weight of the world has crushed his spirit.
“Well yeah, most of the time I skipped…but they never told me we were living on top!” Vel hisses accusingly in reference to his 89 year old Science teacher who had been on tenure for 50 of those years teaching. If it wasn’t her short skirts that did it, it must have been her 2 teeth.
Wilson, ever the spirit of peace and tranquility among their rag-tag group of literal piss babies has to add:
“How would we have a sky,” he breaks off to wheeze a giggle, his eyes crinkling around the edges because he knows Millennials have killed the toast industry and also house hunting, but also he won’t be alive to see the world crash and burn. “—if we were living inside the earth?”
Vel props his elbows on his knees, brow furrowed in thought. The 2 brain cells he has are screaming in protest. “That would be on the top layer? The sky would…look, its simple dude,” he explains, drawing an air-circle with a finger and indicating the bottom of the sphere. “We’re here and the sky’s up here.”
Another fool has to make a point, much to the chagrin of everyone within hearing distance. There are groans and the tossing of sand in their direction, mumbles to shut the hell up, and that Vel would be better off marrying his cousins with the way his empty head’s going.
Shiteating grin in place, Dante pipes in: “Okay remember the cargo plane we rode on? This is the earth,” patiently, snickers bubbling from his mouth but somehow held back, he draws a circle in the sand, then makes a crude oblong shape, apparently the plane. “When we ride in the plane—”
“Wait!” Vel shrieks, bolted up from his spot, “When we ride to the other side of the world we’re in outer space?!”
There’s a loud chorus of ‘No!’s that would disturb tourists a mile away if this were a vacation.
“Oh my God, yes,” Dante sighs.
“WHAT?!”
“WE GO IN SPACE?!”
The ‘No!’s are now spritzed with more sand and also empty bottles of beer. Pip is the captain of these utter morons and he’s never regretted anything more. Not even that Drag queen in Milan. His soldiers, his men, who profit from killing others, from winning wars or losing them far from their homes, outcasts of their own people….and they don’t even know basic Earth science.
“It’s like this, this is the Earth, again, and this is the bottom layer…that’s the sky, and we come in here!”
At least they have some art skills, evident in the many earth-shaped scribbles in the sand, especially the one Vel is very proud of, a job-well-done look on his face.
“What’s with that proud ass look on your face? We’re not a goddamn snow globe! Is that the crust? The earth’s crust? Why would we be there?” Wilson spits, and he’s almost ready to walk away, he can feel it down in his bones this is Enough. And then Dante, having peered solemnly, observantly, at this picture for a full minute says,
“Yes! That’s it exactly, man.”
“The sky is outside Earth? Like the birds are kinda astronauts?”
“That’s ri—"
Now Wilson reaches for Dante, fingers already outlining the shape of his throat, “THE SKY IS NOT OUTSIDE OF EARTH YOU FUCK!”
Vel, undeterred, adds, “But if the birds are astronauts and birds are descended from dinosaurs…how come the asteroid killed ‘em?” His finger is on his chin, indubitably, Doctor Watson.
It’s in that moment four pairs of hands go for his throat.
When is a beach a beach and a desert a desert? Is it the washed out colors on a cloudy day? The umbrellas dotting the shore? The sound of the ocean? Funny, sand dunes carry sound just as well as the tides.
“I thought we were living insiiiiiide!”
“It’s a common…it’s common fucking sense.” The voice is so, so tired. Ready for death, despite how hard they fight it.
“I thought we were living inside the Earth!” Comes the explanation tinged with excitement and awe.
The amount of times he wishes sound didn’t carry are infinite, and this is one of those times. Pip lights another cigarette and settles in for what is likely to be the dumbest thing he’s ever heard.
[and this is the man who would fight nazi vampire werewolves one day]
“Didn’t you take earth-space-science? I know you failed just by lookin’ atcha, but…” Juno just can’t believe it. He’s got his head in his hands and he’s shaking it, shaking it like the entire weight of the world has crushed his spirit.
“Well yeah, most of the time I skipped…but they never told me we were living on top!” Vel hisses accusingly in reference to his 89 year old Science teacher who had been on tenure for 50 of those years teaching. If it wasn’t her short skirts that did it, it must have been her 2 teeth.
Wilson, ever the spirit of peace and tranquility among their rag-tag group of literal piss babies has to add:
“How would we have a sky,” he breaks off to wheeze a giggle, his eyes crinkling around the edges because he knows Millennials have killed the toast industry and also house hunting, but also he won’t be alive to see the world crash and burn. “—if we were living inside the earth?”
Vel props his elbows on his knees, brow furrowed in thought. The 2 brain cells he has are screaming in protest. “That would be on the top layer? The sky would…look, its simple dude,” he explains, drawing an air-circle with a finger and indicating the bottom of the sphere. “We’re here and the sky’s up here.”
Another fool has to make a point, much to the chagrin of everyone within hearing distance. There are groans and the tossing of sand in their direction, mumbles to shut the hell up, and that Vel would be better off marrying his cousins with the way his empty head’s going.
Shiteating grin in place, Dante pipes in: “Okay remember the cargo plane we rode on? This is the earth,” patiently, snickers bubbling from his mouth but somehow held back, he draws a circle in the sand, then makes a crude oblong shape, apparently the plane. “When we ride in the plane—”
“Wait!” Vel shrieks, bolted up from his spot, “When we ride to the other side of the world we’re in outer space?!”
There’s a loud chorus of ‘No!’s that would disturb tourists a mile away if this were a vacation.
“Oh my God, yes,” Dante sighs.
“WHAT?!”
“WE GO IN SPACE?!”
The ‘No!’s are now spritzed with more sand and also empty bottles of beer. Pip is the captain of these utter morons and he’s never regretted anything more. Not even that Drag queen in Milan. His soldiers, his men, who profit from killing others, from winning wars or losing them far from their homes, outcasts of their own people….and they don’t even know basic Earth science.
“It’s like this, this is the Earth, again, and this is the bottom layer…that’s the sky, and we come in here!”
At least they have some art skills, evident in the many earth-shaped scribbles in the sand, especially the one Vel is very proud of, a job-well-done look on his face.
“What’s with that proud ass look on your face? We’re not a goddamn snow globe! Is that the crust? The earth’s crust? Why would we be there?” Wilson spits, and he’s almost ready to walk away, he can feel it down in his bones this is Enough. And then Dante, having peered solemnly, observantly, at this picture for a full minute says,
“Yes! That’s it exactly, man.”
“The sky is outside Earth? Like the birds are kinda astronauts?”
“That’s ri—"
Now Wilson reaches for Dante, fingers already outlining the shape of his throat, “THE SKY IS NOT OUTSIDE OF EARTH YOU FUCK!”
Vel, undeterred, adds, “But if the birds are astronauts and birds are descended from dinosaurs…how come the asteroid killed ‘em?” His finger is on his chin, indubitably, Doctor Watson.
It’s in that moment four pairs of hands go for his throat.