daft pretty boys

[scubatankfilledwithfarts]

brilliant joke based off this

Jotaro wonders if Phileas Fogg had moments of downtime like this in his hot air balloon. Of course his wasn’t a trip of life and death, nor were vampires [probably] involved. Not to mention there were no bathrooms to stink up within tiny hotel rooms. Maybe someday when his life isn’t constantly in danger he’ll look back on the cultural experience: how the bathrooms in this particular room didn’t have real doors but sliding barriers, or the necessity of slathering pizza in India with ketchup.

[its different, but not terrible, and he wonders also when his palette changed so much in the span of a few weeks]

[probably around the same time he began to wake up in cold sweats, fists raised to invisible forces that aren’t always there]

The toilet flushes, pulling Jotaro out of his reprieve whilst he lounges across his grandfather’s rumpled bedcovers. Joseph barely looks up from the map he’s pouring over on the tiny desk in the corner; only his shoulders twitch to indicate the notice. Battleworn bulldog indeed.

A draft of sour air wafts out when Polnareff pulls the barrier shut and the bastard doesn’t bother to look embarrassed. No, he looks pleased. Smirks, even. Swaggers, fingers clutched at the waistband of his pants.

Jotaro squints at him from beneath the brim of his hat but it only squashes stupid moments like the following about a quarter of the time. This is not one of those times.
Brimming with pride, Polnareff addresses the room:

“Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?”

Joseph finally looks up; naturally something this classless would pique his interest. It’s clear in the furrow of his lofty brow that the cogs are turning, but in the end it’s Kakyoin who pipes up without missing a beat.

“It got stuck in a crack.”

Joseph rises like a man possessed by his younger self’s tube top and roars with laughter, artificial hand raised to grant Polnareff a high five while Kakyoin slaps the Frenchman on the back in turn.

Jotaro knows that if he jumps out of the window Star Platinum will save him but maybe he can jump and just keep going, check out the Earth’s crust, that sort of thing. Anything is better than this. Though if he knocks all of them out [yes even Kakyoin this time] for some peace and quiet Avdol will bitch about it when he returns.

“Good fucking grief.”

Jotaro stops keeping track of the stupid jokes after [the first day his grandfather came to stay with them at his parents’ house and said ‘if you at least had a tank top I’d understand’] about another two hours of awaiting Avdol’s return.

“Do you think it’s an enemy? That’s a long time to go get ice,” Polnareff muses. He’s taken to clipping his toenails as if this were his own room.

“Unlike you, we can trust Avdol not to get caught somewhere stupid,” Kakyoin is quick to defend their companion.

The flattop of a Frenchman childishly flips a rather big chunk of toenail the redhead’s way, misses. It’s clear he isn’t the only one antsy and bored; Joseph doesn’t even look at the baseball game on tv and

Kakyoin’s read the same magazine at least twice. He’s just turning the page for show.

“Can’t we go do something?” Raising his palms to the sky as if defending the onslaught of negative energy,

Polnareff continues: “Stewing here won’t get us to Egypt any faster. We might as well keep our spirits up.”

Kakyoin snorts, shakes his head, but as much as he wants to be the voice of reason he too wants to get out of here.

“Half of us in the room aren’t legal here.” Half of them refuse to take off their school uniform even if they’d try to pass as legal.

“I didn’t say anything sleazy, what do you take me for? Don’t answer that—“ Polnareff turns his nose up at his friends. “We could go see a show or something.”

“Who’d foot the bill,” Jotaro finally pipes up. Three pairs of eyes rest upon one Joseph Joestar.

Who faces it head on with distaste. “What am I, made of money?”

“Yes.”
“Absolutely.”
“Please buy me a pony, papa!”

Three sets of eyes now rest on Polnareff.

“Don’t ever say that again.” Look who isn’t going to get adopted by the end of this. “Lucky for us,” he moves to stand, joints popping to life from their rest. “Avdol left something in case we ran into an emergency.”

“Why did he leave you something? Aren’t you the cash c—“ Polnareff’s question is halted thanks to Kakyoin’s extremely bony elbow in his ribs. He favors those elbows very much.

[Kakyoin can’t help but also wonder the same question]

An envelope, stark white and crisp, is clutched between Joseph’s artificial fingers.

“I hope it’s a blank check,” Kakyoin has enough hope for all of them. They gather around eagerly, even

Jotaro cranes his neck to take a glance at what’s to come.

“I wonder if it’s an untraceable Swiss bank account.” Joseph eagerly slips a blocky finger between the paper until it rips jaggedly, tugs the slip of paper inside where it reads:

‘No.’

And so the half remaining brain cell of the Stardust Crusaders once again saved them from something stupid.
Jotaro, the other half of that braincell, lowers himself back onto Joseph’s bed, further determined to ignore the trio’s whining. He should have known better, honestly.